Otaku
2014-11-06 21:17:51 UTC
With apologies to H.W.Longfellow:
Song of Text Medium
Introduction
Should you ask me
Whence these stories?
Whence these legends and traditions
Of the mighty Usenet Flonkers,
Of the followers of Fluffy,
With their weight of sound and fury
As a cascade in their telling?
I should answer, I should tell you,
"From the farthest realms of Usenet,
From the sci.med hierarchy,
To where the liar, the Snuh-buh-guh
Feeds among the newsgroup weaklings.
I repeat them as I found them
From the archives of the Google,
The rememberer, the keeper."
I
The Otter
To the shining shores of Usenet,
In the sci.med hierarchy,
Came a woman named Leola
Looking there for information
And became a frequent poster.
Posted she for many years there,
Made many friends and some few others.
"Sue" the name of one such other
One who hugged most insincerely
And who posted without shift key.
Came a time that NG rotted
No more useful information,
Many AOLers fighting,
WebTVers also stupid,
So Leola left the newsgroup.
Came she to the land of Flonkers,
Lurked for some months, reading, laughing.
Saw the tactics of Snuh-Buh-Guh
In his fight with Meowers, Flonkers,
So decided she to taunt him.
The Snuh-Buh-Guh did not notice,
She began to post in fun threads
Into one about the "FAQ FAQs"
Thinking then of Sgt. Friday
She began to post as "Jack Webb".
Suddenly, up rose Snuh-Buh-Guh:
"Who is this who dare insult me?
It must be a sock of Jetsky!
Or a group of Flonker Wimmen
Who have gathered to defy me!"
After asking of Snuh-Buh-Guh
Questions he refused to answer,
"Jack Webb" did proclaim a spanking
Of the mighty Dean of Snuhdom
And did then become "Text Medium"
So as not to claim a gender
That she felt would be dishonest.
Text Medium saw a poster
Calling herself an amphibian
Who reminded her of someone
From the ancient sci.med newsgroup,
So the Toad she trolled with "Sure, Sue".
II
The Conflict
Then did come a conflagration
In the Empire of Meowers,
As the evil troll Gortician,
Of the dark and dismal bayou,
Joined with Dean to slay the "Otter".
Text Medium was accused of
Being any one of many
Ancient enemies of Snuh-dom,
Or someone from some old conflict
Who once had with Dean a quarrel.
Then the foes of Text Medium,
Not content with their obsession,
Searched in Google and discovered
Secret signs they thought had meaning
And claimed "THIS is the REAL Text Medium!"
Craftily did the Gortician
Send an Email to Text Medium
Saying he would pause the conflict
If she would admit to being
"jet", "Beth" or some other
Of the unnamed Flonker Wimmen
Who had planned to help the Otter.
Text Medium sent an answer
Unknowing showing her location
In the headers of the message,
Showing it came from Hawaii.
Then Snuh-Buh-Guh and Gortician
Gleefully, by combing Google,
Posted all her information
And trolled in from s.m.d.h
Goofy k00k and raving Loonney
To support their accusation.
So the story keeps unfolding
Of the Snuh's inflamed obsession
With the Usenetter Text Medium
Who can only sit back laughing
As the Snuh devolves to k00kdom,
Forging, laming and cancelling
In a frenzy of confusion
Thus to entertain the Flonkers.
Song of Text Medium
Introduction
Should you ask me
Whence these stories?
Whence these legends and traditions
Of the mighty Usenet Flonkers,
Of the followers of Fluffy,
With their weight of sound and fury
As a cascade in their telling?
I should answer, I should tell you,
"From the farthest realms of Usenet,
From the sci.med hierarchy,
To where the liar, the Snuh-buh-guh
Feeds among the newsgroup weaklings.
I repeat them as I found them
From the archives of the Google,
The rememberer, the keeper."
I
The Otter
To the shining shores of Usenet,
In the sci.med hierarchy,
Came a woman named Leola
Looking there for information
And became a frequent poster.
Posted she for many years there,
Made many friends and some few others.
"Sue" the name of one such other
One who hugged most insincerely
And who posted without shift key.
Came a time that NG rotted
No more useful information,
Many AOLers fighting,
WebTVers also stupid,
So Leola left the newsgroup.
Came she to the land of Flonkers,
Lurked for some months, reading, laughing.
Saw the tactics of Snuh-Buh-Guh
In his fight with Meowers, Flonkers,
So decided she to taunt him.
The Snuh-Buh-Guh did not notice,
She began to post in fun threads
Into one about the "FAQ FAQs"
Thinking then of Sgt. Friday
She began to post as "Jack Webb".
Suddenly, up rose Snuh-Buh-Guh:
"Who is this who dare insult me?
It must be a sock of Jetsky!
Or a group of Flonker Wimmen
Who have gathered to defy me!"
After asking of Snuh-Buh-Guh
Questions he refused to answer,
"Jack Webb" did proclaim a spanking
Of the mighty Dean of Snuhdom
And did then become "Text Medium"
So as not to claim a gender
That she felt would be dishonest.
Text Medium saw a poster
Calling herself an amphibian
Who reminded her of someone
From the ancient sci.med newsgroup,
So the Toad she trolled with "Sure, Sue".
II
The Conflict
Then did come a conflagration
In the Empire of Meowers,
As the evil troll Gortician,
Of the dark and dismal bayou,
Joined with Dean to slay the "Otter".
Text Medium was accused of
Being any one of many
Ancient enemies of Snuh-dom,
Or someone from some old conflict
Who once had with Dean a quarrel.
Then the foes of Text Medium,
Not content with their obsession,
Searched in Google and discovered
Secret signs they thought had meaning
And claimed "THIS is the REAL Text Medium!"
Craftily did the Gortician
Send an Email to Text Medium
Saying he would pause the conflict
If she would admit to being
"jet", "Beth" or some other
Of the unnamed Flonker Wimmen
Who had planned to help the Otter.
Text Medium sent an answer
Unknowing showing her location
In the headers of the message,
Showing it came from Hawaii.
Then Snuh-Buh-Guh and Gortician
Gleefully, by combing Google,
Posted all her information
And trolled in from s.m.d.h
Goofy k00k and raving Loonney
To support their accusation.
So the story keeps unfolding
Of the Snuh's inflamed obsession
With the Usenetter Text Medium
Who can only sit back laughing
As the Snuh devolves to k00kdom,
Forging, laming and cancelling
In a frenzy of confusion
Thus to entertain the Flonkers.
--
Shon'ai
"Little Toad's Name is Lily. And you have all been massively trolled." -
Jason, k00k.
Shon'ai
"Little Toad's Name is Lily. And you have all been massively trolled." -
Jason, k00k.
